How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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