Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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