you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
