also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
