farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
