i need an iv and a liver transplant
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
