I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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