he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
