the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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