i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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