I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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