Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
