I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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