Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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