I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
