the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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