If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
