Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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