Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
