dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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