So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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