I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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