So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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