question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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