So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
