She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
