Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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