And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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