i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
