You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
