So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
