You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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