i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
