so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
