I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
whose parrot is this?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
