he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
