I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
