my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
