This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
