how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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