You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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