you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
