Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
