ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life