i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
