Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
