Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
