I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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