For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
