So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
