So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick