I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!