Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.