You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.