I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters