Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
40s are totally the cure
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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