I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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