I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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