i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
