bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize