She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
