my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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