When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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