dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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