I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize