So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
