what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
