On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
